


soften your voice (i'm so small but you're so gentle)

by ghoststoriesandothershit (orphan_account)



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Childhood Trauma, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Past Sexual Abuse, unestablished relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-10-22 03:05:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10688490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/ghoststoriesandothershit
Summary: It's raining in the streets of Ketterdam, and Inej walks down a street full of cafes wearing Kaz's raincoat and Nina's affection warm in her chest.





	soften your voice (i'm so small but you're so gentle)

**Author's Note:**

> so im struggling with some romance/trauma stuff at the moment and inej seemed like a good outlet. god i just really like her.

Inej loved the tap-tap-tap of her ballet flats as she walked over stone. It was even better with the added tapping of the rain on the pavement, a little sound to remind her that her place in the world had an effect, that she was contributing to something bigger than herself.

People hurried past with their hoods pulled over their heads, fast-fast-fast walking to work or home or a date. Parents had their children's hands clutched tight, hastily pulling them along. They always dawdled, little faces turned skyward and pink with the cold. Inej was always sure to smile at them. Usually she got a smile back, gummy and missing teeth and bright and curious, and it made her heart float up.  
She wanted to write poetry, but she didn't have a pen on her, just a few pieces of sour candy in her pockets and a knife in her boot. So she hummed a little song instead, eyes cast downwards to help her focus, staring at her feet as she walked.

Inej was in a good mood today. It was the weekend, and she had no plans, and her mother had bustled her out of the house with a bright smile and a handful of change. She'd been at Kaz's house yesterday, falling into a gentle rapport with him, hands linked together even with the gloved barrier in the way as they watched the Princess Bride. Nina had texted her until late last night. Jesper had gushed to her about Wylan, his love and enthusiasm warming her up and softening something cold inside her. But as she walked, her mind slipped away from what was occupying it. Her thoughts about her friends and the rain and the people around her faded like mist through her fingers, even as she tried to grab at the slippery thoughts.

She was left feeling vaguely empty, blocked out memories pushing at a barrier she couldn't feel, just barely sense with her mind's fingertips, all hollowed out with an unexplained burning in her throat.

It was unfair. She should be happy. She  _was_ happy. So why- why couldn't it last? Why did she have to deal with the itching feeling of nails over her sides, the prickle of a warm, wet breath on the back of her neck? Her shoulders hunched, guard raised, body tensed. It was so unfair, it was awful, it was stupid, pointless, unbearable- she didn't deserve this!

 

Her phone buzzed.

 

Inej picked up the call, holding it to her ear with a soft, not entirely faked smile slipping onto her face. "Hey, Nina," she greeted, shifting her weight restlessly.

"Hey, darling," Nina replied, voice warm and kind, full of the loving timbre that made Inej shiver when nobody was looking. "I've been texting you all morning. I'm really hurt you didn't reply, you know?"

Inej hummed, still feeling empty, but her father had always told her that if you smiled while you were sad, you'd feel better anyway. "Sorry, I've been out walking. I'm just... thoughtful, this morning."

"Are you in town?"

Inej glanced to her left. "Just near the left side of the barrel. By the Batman-themed cafe." She added a lilt of humor to her voice, knowing Nina would enjoy it. "You know, it looks kind of promising today. I think they aired it out? Maybe they fired the smoking waiter.

Nina's laugh came through clear and genuine through the phone. "Sounds fun, Wraith, but not exactly what I had planned. There's this lovely French cafe in the center of town. Super expensive, but I just got paid. Feel like some kind of delicate pastry and a hot chocolate?"

"Yeah, I could use something sweet," Inej murmured.

There was a brief pause before Nina spoke. "Are you having a bad day?"

Inej bit her lip, stepping out of the street and ceasing her walk, nodding an apology as she walked around a man. "No. Just... a bad few minutes. I don't know." All of her eager mask slipped away so fast as soon as she opened her mouth, voice coming out tired and quiet. Nina had a habit of convincing her to open up far too easily.

"I know the feeling," Nina said, and she did. Nina had been through so much, had so much taken from her. She was even better than Inej at putting on a bold face, but she knew how it felt. She knew what it was like to have something pulled out of you, something that no amount of hot chocolate or hugs or tears could fill. "I'm coming out to meet you, okay? Stay by Batman."

Inej nodded even though Nina couldn't see it. "Thank you," she said quietly. She couldn't say much else. She didn't need to.

Nina filled the silence easily, chattering away as Inej listened to her clip-clip-clip out of her house, voice occasionally waning in the wind. "How is that cafe still running, anyway? I've never seen anyone go in! Maybe it's like, run by a millionaire nerd who's trying his best. Maybe he decided he could handle the entire thing himself and he didn't hire any help, and that's why it's always so dirty. Oh! And that's why it's not smoky this morning! He was the guy who was always smoking, but now he's finally decided to bring in a proper waiter and keeps himself behind the counter. God, what a loser. I feel kind of sorry for this poor man who might not exist."

Inej listened with half a heart at first, but soon felt her coming back to herself, smile slowly reforming. "Maybe we should send Kaz in to scope it out. It'd give the poor man a customer for once, and you know how he likes to pretend he's got no need to breathe. The smoke wouldn't even bother him."

"Or Jesper!" Nina cackled. "He'd have a laugh, can you imagine? Playing poker against himself and sipping on some awful frappucino, trying to start up a conversation about DC with the manager."

"Not even DC. He'd be chatting away about X men or something, pretending he had no idea it was made by a rival company."

"And he'd probably drag Wylan and Kaz along the next time he came. Wylan's face would do that thing when he's politely disgusted-"

"When he just crumples up!" Inej laughed, tipping her head back and smiling up at the sky. "And Kaz would kick his feet up onto the table and casually talk about the Waiter's wife and children."

Nina's grin was practically audible. "And he'd be making subtle threats too, and when they pay he'd just slide a wad of hundred-dollar bills over the counter and go all stern and tell him to-" she broke into an honestly terrible imitation of Kaz's voice, but it was enough to make Inej giggle, "'Clean this place up if you care about keeping your customers'."

Inej was laughing properly now, the hollow space in her chest now filled up with helium, making her feel light and floaty. "Oh my god, don't ever let him hear you imitate you or he'll have you killed."

"He wouldn't dare," Nina said smugly. "Oh- I've got to go, Inej, I'm going to catch a bus to get to you. I'll be like seven minutes, okay?"

"Okay," Inej said, sinking back down a little. "Um, Nina?"

"Yeah, Wraith?"

"I..." Nina said it all the time. To all her friends. It didn't need to be anything big, just a reminder, a reassurance, that she was appreciated. That Inej needed her, yes, but she wanted her. That Nina was always welcome in Inej's life, that she always belonged there, bringing in coffee in first period when Inej hadn't slept the night before, bandaging up her scraped knees when she fell from the unicycle or the tightrope or the climbing wall, laughing until she snorted strawberry milkshake all over Inej, crying her eyes out on Inej's shoulder because Matthias was still gone and she still missed him, drunk and pulling Inej in to dance to Ladyhawke and the Chainsmokers, asleep on her lap and drooling and looking so utterly at peace, taking Inej's hands in hers and reminding her she was safe, she was wanted, that Nina would never hurt her, that she always had a friend in her-

Because here's the thing that makes her life so much worse than it was before: Inej is terribly, awfully, head over heels for one of her best friends, and it makes her feel torn apart and beautifully light at the same time.

God, Nina needed to get on the bus! Could she be a worse friend? She needed to just- fucking hurry herself up. "Love you," she managed to whisper, leaning back against a column on a nearby building, letting her eyes slide shut.

"Hey," Nina replied, voice soft as her hair. "I love you too, okay? So much, Inej."

Inej laughed, her eyes watering, turning away from the street and hiding behind her hair, trying to keep her joy and sadness hidden from the public. "I know," she promises.

"Good," Nina said firmly. "Now, just wait a few minutes and I'll be over to you and I'll smother you in kisses, okay?" Inej made a choked sound, half in surprise, half just from the urge to cry. Nina laughed, and it was the best sound Inej had heard in a long time. "See you soon, lovely."

 

Inej stood still for a while, leaning back against the column and staring out into the street, phone still held up to her ear. The world felt new, somehow, like everyone was walking a little slower, a little less urgency in their footsteps, a little more contentness in their hearts. Slowly, she lowered the phone and slipped it in her pocket, before pulling her collar up and standing a little taller. She didn't smile, but her eyes were bright with more than just tears and she felt... good. Just as good as she'd felt walking in the rain and pulling a smile from the grumpy little boy in the wellingtons. Better. Like... like she'd felt when she was still unscarred, when she was a little girl riding on her father's shoulders.

Slowly, she settled back against the building, not bothering to wipe her eyes, and she thought about how she must look, a seventeen-year-old girl with tear tracks mixing with the rain, dark eyes red around the edge and sparkling in the center, looking out with a gentle expression. She wore a dark coat, a loose plait pulled over her shoulder, fingernails dark red and polished. 

She looked mature. She looked happy. She looked like the sort of person a younger Inej would have thought was super cool.

Inej reached in her pocket and pulled out a piece of candy, unwrapping it and tossing it in her mouth. It burned her tongue but sent sweetness down her throat, and as she spotted a bus pulling into a nearby stop, all she could see was Nina, and all she could taste was strawberry.

**Author's Note:**

> Written in under 15 minutes to On Melancholy Hill by Gorillaz. Unedited. I'm sorry.


End file.
